Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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