Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
