Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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