That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
