I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
