also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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