Do vagina's smell?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
