she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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