you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
