She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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