i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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