"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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