Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
