Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
