the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
