Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
