Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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