I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
