I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
