So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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