I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
