guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
