I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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