Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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