I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
