So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
