I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The air was thick with penises
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
