wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
