I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
