Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
