Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
