literally had 100 drinks last night.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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