I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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