He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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