is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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