I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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