You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
