just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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