3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
