i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b