Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
