Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM