P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.