I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?