can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do