Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.

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(573): worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar. http://tfl.nu/lxl8

Replies (20) Good night (1148) Bad night (5581)
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(574): View more from Indiana

my professor just said "the power of the situation"

(216): View more from Ohio

drink

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(574): my professor just said "the power of the situation" (216): drink http://tfl.nu/g82n

Replies (17) Good night (5345) Bad night (938)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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(215): I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract http://tfl.nu/jt8l

Replies (2) Good night (2444) Bad night (1020)
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(+61): View more from Australia

Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.

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(+61): Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon. http://tfl.nu/pw6n

Replies (9) Good night (2123) Bad night (712)
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(757): View more from Virginia

You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat

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(757): You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat http://tfl.nu/abhh

Replies (3) Good night (1087) Bad night (1681)
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(912): View more from Georgia

Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

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(912): Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back http://tfl.nu/294t

Replies (7) Good night (2909) Bad night (951)
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(716): View more from New York

She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked

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(716): She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked http://tfl.nu/7qkm

Replies (4) Good night (1775) Bad night (788)
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(708): View more from Illinois

what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?

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(708): what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in? http://tfl.nu/gh3z

Replies (19) Good night (1273) Bad night (652)
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(440): View more from Ohio

So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.

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(440): So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too. http://tfl.nu/fbz1

Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (989)
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(206): View more from Washington

But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.

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(206): But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness. http://tfl.nu/0ech

Replies (15) Good night (3090) Bad night (574)
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(914): View more from New York

I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj

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(914): I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj http://tfl.nu/ijru

Replies (5) Good night (1485) Bad night (518)
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(720): View more from Colorado

We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.

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(720): We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out. http://tfl.nu/ioyx

Replies (3) Good night (937) Bad night (416)
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(406): View more from Montana

I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.

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(406): I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest. http://tfl.nu/pzd0

Replies (8) Good night (460) Bad night (715)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.

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(506): I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success. http://tfl.nu/n6ta

Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (334)
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(850): View more from Florida

It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"

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(850): It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!" http://tfl.nu/ndge

Replies (6) Good night (501) Bad night (534)

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