remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
