I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
