They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize