There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
