last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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