He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
