bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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