Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
