All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
