Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
