I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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