I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
