I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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