I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
