I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
