And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
