Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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