I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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