Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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