you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need water and some morals
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
