I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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