im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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