She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
