Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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