i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
