I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
