It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
