as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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