At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
