oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's rum buckets o'clock
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
