So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize