i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
