No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
