Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
