dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
