I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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